The role of parents in divorce
Parents are (or should be) the people who know their children's needs best. They must be aware and take responsibility that they are the ones most suited to make the right decisions for their children after divorce. Ideally, the judge's decision space should be minimal in family disputes involving children.
The first step is to help parents see that the solution for the child's well-being after divorce is in their hands and that professionals can help turn it into a Parenting Plan. Gender stereotypes about the roles of women and men in the family need to be left behind, while accepting social changes: more and more fathers want to be actively involved in their children's lives.
The child's best interest – the Parenting Plan
Dear parents, remember: children, in general, love you equally!
Studies show that children's adjustment after divorce depends most on frequent, ongoing interaction with both parents, and on parents' ability to let go of animosity and share responsibilities for raising their children.
The Parenting Plan protects the child, de-escalates conflict, and details how parental authority will be exercised after divorce: the child's residence, contact schedules, holidays, school matters, extracurricular activities, religion, medical care, remote communication, and other relevant aspects. Divorce often involves aspects related to parental authority, child support, or division of common property, all falling within the scope of family law.
The concept comes from US practice and appears in a standardised form on the ARPCC (Romanian Association for Shared Custody) website (www.arpcc.ro). Parents, mediators, and lawyers can use it to negotiate arrangements for raising children after divorce.
With help from a mediator, lawyer, and psychologist, parents can redefine their relationship as separated parents of the same children, regardless of the custody form. Depending on the existence of minor children, the property regime, and the parties' positions, the divorce procedure can become significantly more complex. In such situations, the assistance of a lawyer specialized in divorce representation is essential for protecting the rights and interests of each party. They share time and responsibilities, respect their own decisions, and the child's right to be with the other parent.
The Parenting Plan means discussing how both parents can stay actively present in the children's lives (school events, sports, birthdays, holidays, meetings with teachers, relationships with extended family). The better parents set and respect the Plan, the faster and healthier children will adapt long term.
Parents should inform children about what has been agreed and, if the children can express themselves (possibly assisted by a psychologist), the Plan can include their wishes.
Children need honesty and information during the divorce process, time, sensitivity to their feelings, and confidence in the parents' ability to defuse the crisis.